Creating a
Child-Friendly wedding ceremony
Planning a wedding that feels true to you often means thinking about everyone you love, including the tiniest guests. But creating a child-friendly ceremony that keeps little ones engaged while still feeling meaningful, personal and completely your vibe can be a bit of a challenge.
That’s where our brilliant Unconventional Wedding member Joy from Rooted Ceremonies comes in. As an experienced celebrant who specialises in relaxed, inclusive weddings, Joy knows exactly how to design a child-friendly ceremony that feels natural, fun and far from forced or overly traditional.
In this guest blog, Joy shares her expert tips and creative ideas to help you plan a child-friendly ceremony that works for everyone, from energetic toddlers to grown-ups who want to stay present in the moment.
Photo by Bill Bolton
tips from a celebrant mum
Photo by Ceri Oakes Photography
As a celebrant and mother of a young child myself, I’m passionate about finding ways to include children in your ceremony when this feels appropriate to you as a couple. Perhaps you have had a child or children together, or within previous relationships. Getting married is about the relationship between you and your partner, but it’s also about honouring the place of the child(ren) within your relationship and making sure they know that they are every bit as special on your wedding day as they are any other day.
Here are some stories about child-friendly ceremonies I’ve hosted with children in the midst, and some tips on involving children in your own ceremony.
You might also love: Our Ultimate Guide To Wedding Celebrants
Real wedding stories
Photo by Ceri Oakes Photography
Cassy & Jon’s Microwedding
Cassy and Jon had a micro wedding ceremony with 27 guests in attendance, in a boutique hotel in Whitby. At the time, their daughter Skye was 8, and it was very clear to them that Skye should feel fully part of their ceremony. This shaped their choice of venue and size of their ceremony. It was important to Cassy and Jon that Skye also felt comfortable with me as their celebrant, and also not under any pressure to do more than she wanted to, in the ceremony.
They asked me to work with Skye to establish what this might look like and help her prepare for the ceremony. Together, with some guidance from her parents, we came up with a reading from a favourite children’s book, the Velveteen Rabbit, which she read on the day, as well as playing her violin. She also took part in the sand-blending ritual and decorated the wedding cake!
Fast forward 9 years, Cassy and Jon’s 2nd daughter is nearly 8 and quite jealous that she wasn’t part of their wedding! The couple are considering a vow renewal that incorporates both their daughters. I visited them recently and looked back over the wedding album with them. Skye’s lasting memory of the weekend was that it was a lot of fun, running around the hotel, playing with her cousin and close friends, going to the arcade and the beach! She treasured the dress and shoes she wore on the day.
Looking back, her parents remember that she was always a self-confident child and so the major role she had in their wedding ceremony had felt completely fitting. They reminisced that if she had had entirely her own choice about what to read at the time, it would have definitely been Harry Potter!
Photo by Bill Bolton
Laura, James, Arthur and Olive’s family blessing ceremony
Laura and James’ wedding had to be reorganised several times and was eventually much smaller than they’d dreamed of due to COVID. Their first child Arthur was a baby at the wedding, but seven years later they chose to have a family blessing ceremony involving Arthur and his 18 month old sister Olive. It was important to them to have family photos that included all four of them, so Laura and James dressed in their original wedding outfits and I designed and hosted their micro child-friendly ceremony in a lakeside co-operatively-run eco-venue in my community in rural Nottinghamshire. The blessing ceremony was themed around sunflowers, which represented Laura and James’ enduring friendship and love, their unity and growth as a family, and planting seeds of optimism and hope for their future. Arthur, Olive scattered a layer of petals around their parents, and then went to sit with their parents while the other children in the room scattered sunflower seeds around the feet of the whole family.
The second ritual in Laura and James’ ceremony was a sharing of a drink from the Cup of Friendship or Quaich as it is known in Scotland. The drink inside the cup is typically something that is both bitter and sweet (such as whisky)- representing the challenges and joys in a relationship. In their case it obviously needed to be child-friendly so we chose hand-pressed apple juice grown and made on the venue site earlier that year. As a symbol of the familial love that binds them and a shared commitment to nurturing Arthur and Olive’s growth, each family member took a ceremonial sip. Olive, not satisfied with this, asked for ‘MORE!’, to the smiles of the audience!
Photo by Jonathan Martin
Sarah and Cormac’s Festival Wedding Weekend
Sarah and Cormac also had a COVID-rescheduled wedding, and their daughter Orla was nearly three when they eventually got married. By this time, she was old enough to remember it but also needed a good balance of time with her parents, amidst all the excitement of a three day wedding weekend with all her cousins and friends around. Sarah and Cormac chose to have a Moorland ceremony with all their 100+ guests present, and also a much smaller legally endorsed Quaker ceremony. While this second ceremony took place, Sarah and Cormac had arranged to use their daughter’s nursery for her and the other 15 younger children to play with parent volunteers to look after them. While the ceremony was taking place and profound wisdom, storytelling and silence was being shared, the children were wheeling around in Fisherprice cars and painting flags to add to the couple’s wedding bunting.
It was important to Sarah and Cormac that the Moorland ceremony could involve everybody, so we all walked there together and their daughter Orla and her cousins had the important role of handing out chocolate buttons and frozen berries during a Six Senses ritual. During the Ring Warming ritual, where the rings were passed around the whole circle during improvised music, the children were playing on the rocky outcrops within site of the ceremony. Sarah and Cormac designed a couple of their own rituals too, and one of these involved running in a Figure of Eight formation in the middle of the ceremony circle. This symbolised their commitment to infinite love and growth but also allowed them to release any pent up energy and nerves! The children and any playful adults were invited to join them in racing around the ceremony circle and it was one of the highlight moments for those that took part!
Photo by Jonathan Martin
Top Tips from the couples
“Make sure your child feels comfortable with your chosen celebrant and that your celebrant is tuned into the experience of your child.” – Skye Cassy & John
“If you are expecting some kind of structured input from your child during your ceremony, make sure this is in balance with plenty of freedom for them to run around and let loose!” – Skye, Cassy & John
“Small and relaxed ceremonies are less overwhelming and easier for children to be involved in.” – Laura & James
“If your children are sitting with you for part of the ceremony, make sure this is not for too long, otherwise you might end up with some bored-looking faces in your photos!” – Laura & James
“Make sure you factor in plenty of connection time with your child/ children- before, during (if possible) and after the wedding itself. They may have experienced you being absorbed by wedding planning and it’s important to remind them that they are still central to your relationship.” – Sarah & Cormac
“It’s quite possible that not every aspect of your wedding will be appropriate for children to join in with (and trying to do so when it’s against the grain might be more stressful for everyone), so it might be about finding a balance between making things accessible and enjoyable for them, and creating some alternative spaces for them to be in.” – Sarah & Cormac
“Being conscious of what children might need can also help us tune into what we might need as adults!” – Sarah & Cormac
choosing the right celebrant
Photo by Ceri Oakes Photography
I do of course recommend working with a celebrant to design your child-friendly ceremony! A celebrant’s job is to make sure the ceremony you design together is the perfect fit for your situation. They will help you to draw out what’s important to you, and what might work for the children you want to include in your ceremony. They can help you with everything from the big picture flow of the ceremony as a whole, to the elements within (rituals, love story, vows etc) and how these might honour or include the children in your lives. A celebrant can also help you work out and communicate the finer details- around the comfort of your audience during the ceremony, and what is or isn’t expected of them, in particular the children.
Choose a celebrant who is interested in the experience of children at your wedding and is willing to put time into supporting the children present to be involved in ways that work for them. Some celebrants are thrown by interjections from children and are at their best when they are addressing an adult-only audience. Make sure you explore this with any potential celebrant before you commit to working with them.
