Photo by Ross Willsher Photography
planning a wedding with A chronic illness or disability
Let’s be real: planning a wedding is a wild ride at the best of times. Change that to planning a wedding with a chronic illness or disability and suddenly you’re juggling flower choices and flare-ups, guest lists and energy crashes. Yep, it’s a lot. And while the wedding world loves to shout “It’s YOUR day! Do it YOUR way!” (which is fabulous and true), for those of us with long-term health conditions, there’s more to consider than just picking a funky venue and nailing down the playlist.
From family pressures to fatigue, from accessibility worries to that looming to-do list — it all adds up. And while no mindset alone can make these challenges disappear, there are ways to make the process a whole lot gentler on your body and mind when planning a wedding with a chronic illness. That’s why I’m writing this — not just as a wedding planner, but as someone who’s lived it. I’ve got a few titles under my belt — Founder of Quirky Weddings, newly appointed Co-Director at Unconventional Wedding, and proud champion of inclusive wedding planning. But I’m also someone who lives with Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder (part of the Ehlers-Danlos family), Chronic Pain & Fatigue and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (PoTS). I use a wheelchair, I pace my energy, and I totally get the rollercoaster of planning a wedding while managing your health. So, grab a cuppa, get comfy, and let’s talk about how to do this in a way that actually works for you.
you always come first
Photo by Kirsty Rockett Photography
Your health is Top Priority
Here’s your permission slip to put yourself at the very top of the priority list. Yes, above wedding guests. Above Pinterest-perfect centrepieces. Above everything. Your health and wellbeing are non-negotiable, full stop.
If you’re someone who’s used to powering through or taking care of everyone else, this might feel weird at first. (Guilty as charged!) But trust me: the most empowering thing you can do when planning a wedding with a chronic illness is plan your day around what you need — whether that’s more rest, less pressure, or a completely reimagined schedule. And your partner? They should be your biggest cheerleader here, so make sure you’re aligned from the start.
Photo by Monika Chano Photography
Tune into your body
Tuning in to your energy and capacity is key. Some days you’ll feel great, and others might be total write-offs — and that’s okay. Building in space for both is good planning, not a backup plan.
Oh, and if you’re into tools and tech like me, something like a Visible Band (basically a fatigue-tracking wearable designed for people with chronic conditions) can be a total game-changer. No affiliate links, just genuine love!
Photo by Vicki Clayson Photography
Surround yourself with the right humans
Let’s talk support squads. You want your A-team around you — the people who don’t just love you, but get you. The ones who’ll remind you to take a break, handle the awkward convos with Auntie Susan, and step in when you’re running low on spoons.
If you’re someone who struggles to delegate, this one’s for you. It’s okay (and actually smart!) to hand over tasks. Choose what only you can do (like the meaningful bits or anything fun!), and hand the rest to your trusted crew. Pro tip: clear checklists = sanity savers.
Picking Accessible Suppliers who Get It
Your wedding vendors can either add stress or seriously take the pressure off. You want the kind of suppliers who are inclusive, thoughtful, and totally up for making your wedding as accessible and chilled as possible.
If someone dismisses your access needs, talks over you, or makes assumptions? Nope. Hard pass. The right supplier will ask questions, adapt without fuss, and actually listen to you. Whether it’s a makeup artist who builds in breaks or a photographer who checks if you’re okay before every shoot, those are your people. Don’t settle — they’re out there and they’re worth finding.
four top tips for an accessible wedding
Photo by Kirsty Rockett Photography
Master Your Accessible Timeline
Weddings don’t have to be a 12-hour marathon. Split things up over two days if that suits you better! Build in breaks, plan quiet moments, and ditch anything that feels overwhelming. Your day should feel joyful — not like a physical endurance test.
Venue Vibes That Work for You
This one’s massive. Your venue sets the tone for everything, and if it’s not accessible, it just won’t work — no matter how pretty the chandeliers are. Ask all the nitty-gritty questions upfront. Think beyond “step-free” and ask about surfaces, toilets, parking, space to rest, and any “hidden” obstacles (like gravel paths – ugh!). Don’t waste your precious energy visiting somewhere that doesn’t work.
Accessible Outfits that Love You Back
Forget “beauty is pain.” Your wedding outfit should make you feel fabulous and comfortable. Adaptive designs, soft fabrics, custom fits — they’re all out there, and you deserve them. If there’s ever a time to treat yourself to something tailor-made, this is it. Bonus points for comfy shoes and hidden pockets for cooling packs or meds. Style and function can go hand in hand.
Plan for the What-Ifs
Emergency kits = peace of mind. Pack meds, snacks, anything that might help if you hit a flare-up or just need a breather. Having a “Plan B” (or C!) doesn’t mean you’re expecting disaster — it just means you’re prepared. And that kind of foresight is what lets you be fully present on the day.
talking about your needs without guilt
Photo by Nastia Photography
Talking about access needs can feel awkward — but it shouldn’t. You’re not asking for special favours. You’re setting yourself up to enjoy your own wedding, and that’s 100% valid. Whether you explain everything or keep it vague is up to you — saying something simple like, “I have a condition that affects my energy, so I’ll be pacing myself,” is totally enough.
Set expectations early and clearly. Tell your suppliers, loop in your wedding party, and make it part of your guest communication if needed. You’re not being difficult — you’re being proactive. That’s powerful, not just when you’re planning a wedding with a chronic illness but always.
your wedding your rules
If your vision of your wedding has changed because of your health, it’s okay to grieve that. But it’s also okay — more than okay — to create a new vision that’s just as magical, in a different way. Whether it’s a backyard barbecue with lots of seating or a slow-paced celebration with quiet corners and breaks built in, your version is just as real, just as valid, and just as beautiful.
Let go of the pressure to make it look like everyone else’s big day. This is your love story — and you deserve to tell it in a way that celebrates every part of who you are.
If you’re the kind of person who loves a good checklist (me too!), I’ve got an Accessible Wedding Planning Checklist ready for you to download. And if you ever need a sounding board, some friendly advice, or just a bit of venting space — my inbox is always open.
You’re not alone. You’ve got this. And I can’t wait to see you celebrate your love in a way that honours every part of you.
