Today we have a guest blog from Leni Robson at Unique To You Ceremonies. She has shared some valuable advice about how to deal with a postponed wedding and look after yourself. She gently reminds us that our feelings are valid and it’s normal to experience grief! Over to Leni…
Are you one of the many couples who have had their wedding postponed or even cancelled because of the lockdown? It could be that you don’t know whether you can go ahead later on in the year and the uncertainty is making you anxious.. Added to that, that you may not be getting the support from others who are saying ‘you will get your day eventually’ or ‘there are worse things happening out there’. This may make you feel guilty for your feelings about your postponed wedding.
I’m here to let you know it’s perfectly acceptable and reasonable to feel what you’re feeling. Read on for a list of ways to help you deal with this and some fun ways to mark your ‘nearlywed’ day in lockdown.
Feature photo by Corina Photography
Wedding Postponed? Your feelings are valid!
When I’m not planning and writing wedding ceremonies, I’m a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. The Grief Recovery Method defines grief as the natural reaction to loss of any kind. What you’re experiencing right now is a loss of hope and expectations of your wedding day, on the day that you wanted it to take place, following a long period of careful planning and booking. Therefore, the feelings you are having are normal. Yes – you are totally normal!
I’m not saying that all grief is experienced at the same level of intensity, or makes you feel the same way. The death of someone close to you will of course create a different set of emotions to having a postponed wedding or losing a job. What I am saying is that we need empathy. Those in the wedding industry are grieving a loss of income and some of them may even be facing a loss of business. It’s crucial that we are kind to others and to ourselves. Comparing griefs robs dignity from someone who’s made to feel as if their loss isn’t as important. All grief is experienced at 100%. You can also do this to yourself- How many of you have said ‘It’s only one day’ or ‘It’s only a wedding’?
How to look after yourself when facing a postponed wedding:
★ Talk to your maid of honour, or someone close and tell them how you’re really feeling. Tell them you just need someone to listen, so that they’re not tempted to try and ‘fix’ you or interrupt. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
★ Mark the day that should have been your wedding day. To mark your postponed wedding day, do something nice together: a walk, watch a film, have an online get-together with your guests. Have a special meal together and pop open some bubbles! You can find more ideas in this blog: How To Celebrate Your Nearlywed Day
★ Have a virtual ceremony. Get in touch with a celebrant and see if they will do a virtual ceremony for you. I, along with other celebrants, am offering any couple who have had their wedding postponed a virtual ceremony in exchange for a donation to a charity. Read about Beth & Jonty’s Zoom Wedding Ceremony here!
★ Listen to music and dance. Music makes everything better – you might even take the opportunity to polish up that first slow dance!
★ Make a list of the things you had been looking forward to on your wedding day and read it out loud. Once you’ve acknowledged what you’ve lost, you make space for something new and maybe even better to occur.
More about leni...
I hope this has given you a few ideas for ways to grieve the loss of your plans and hopefully lift your spirits. Oh and if you want to sit on the sofa and binge TV all day, that’s fine too. I would never tell you to keep busy to distract from your feelings.
Whatever you decide, my heart goes out to you – and when your big day finally comes, I hope it is a beautiful celebration beyond your wildest dreams. Because whatever this virus can do, it can’t stop love.
Leni Robson is a Life Celebrant and a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist. She’s appeared on TV and Radio, been nominated for several awards and was a regional finalist in The Wedding Industry Awards in only her second year in business. For a ceremony that’s full of heart, humour and love whether virtually or in person, or if you are struggling and need a little extra support at this time, even just someone who will be a heart with ears, get in touch.
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